Apart/Part Of

She walked in by herself. Tried not to sit next to anyone in the circle of chairs. A heavy-set young woman with severe acne, wearing drab loose fitting clothing. Never speaking unless she had to respond, when each student in the first-year colloquium shared an image, going around the room until everyone had spoken. She left class by herself. 

I watched her for several class periods, wondering if any of the other students would befriend her. No. When she talked about her work she spoke softly and quickly, using as few words as possible. Her demeanor never changed. 

I sensed her isolation was not really a choice, but a habit borne by experience. I decided to pay attention to her without singling her out. I wanted to find something encouraging to say when she said so little and remained apart from the group.

My chance came when we were reading a book about a girl whose parents move to a foreign country. Feeling isolated, she decides to learn the new language as quickly as possible so she can translate for her parents and siblings. I asked the class to make an image of a moment in the book that resonated with them, and then to write words that come to mind. When it was the young woman’s turn to share, she seemed a bit less guarded, a bit less reluctant to speak. Her moment was about the girl starting school, being laughed at because she doesn’t speak the new language. I encouraged her to tell the class about her image, a blob of black with many colors emanating from it, surrounded by small blobs of less intensity. Her words were: She’s apart from them but when she learns the language, she’ll be part of the group. I asked her to tell us more, that her image was powerful and thought-provoking.

“I came to this country when I was 11 and didn’t speak English. I had to go to school even though I didn’t understand anything anyone said. I was very lonely. When I did learn English kids made fun of my accent. I decided I didn’t need friends.”

Christa responded, “That sounds like a really hard time. I can’t imagine life without my friends.”

Ben said, “You speak English as if it’s your first language.”

Aliya smiled. “I practiced a lot.”

During the break several students gathered around her, asking questions about her life: where she’d been born, what it was like to leave the world she knew because her parents decided to move, having to go to school when you didn’t understand a word anyone said. She responded to their curiosity, speaking more in a few minutes than she had in weeks of class. The interaction was good-natured. Friendly.

At the end of class, several students walked out with her.

When we next met, she came into the classroom accompanied by several students and choose a seat with two students on either side of her.

I don’t know why or how, but in time her acne seemed to be healing. She dressed with more colorful clothes. She was part of the group.

Have you experienced loneliness? What was that like?

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