APRIL 2024 - Caring

We met in 1991. I was her college professor and thesis advisor. As we got to know each other we discovered our fathers and paternal grandfathers had the same names and came from a similar area in what was then called Russia. We learned that we shared a passion for stories and making art, always searching for ways to make life meaningful. After she graduated, we became friends, staying in touch through visits, phone calls, and letters. The thirty-five-year age difference between us didn’t seem to matter.

In 2001 I moved to Santa Fe. Since she lived on the East Coast our contact was by email and phone. I felt grateful she continued to want me to be a presence in her life, that she was willing to talk about difficult situations—personal and professional—with candor and trust. My life, by comparison, was quiet, teaching short seminars, writing, weaving, enjoying the outdoor life. She always asked how I was doing.

In 2004, illness and family troubles exacerbated the depression with which I live. During a phone conversation she asked how I was doing. I knew she was going through a challenging period so I said, “Fine.” She heard the insincerity and asked, “How are you really doing?” Touched by her response, I told her about the emotional issues between me and family members, the difficulties of dealing with a chronic illness, the depression that hovered. 

“I’m coming to see you,” she said.

I was stunned, feeling a mixture of shame for talking about my troubles yet grateful for her caring. I assured her I’d be okay. She ignored me. “I’ll call you back when I’ve booked the plane ticket.” I kept thanking her. She kept telling me to stop thanking her.

She arrived a few days later, traveling 2,000 miles to lift my sagging spirits.

Her hug was spiritual medicine, somehow diffusing the weight of my problems with family members. Depression lightened. We stayed up too late talking. Spurred by her interest in ceramics we went to a variety of galleries and museums. She convinced me to eat in restaurants I had not tried. It was a magical week. 

When she left, her visit reminded me that although I live alone, I’m not alone in my life.

What part do friends play in your life?

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APRIL 2024 Monthly Stories